Sunday, April 6, 2008

"Chemical Romance" by AD: Issue I- Dating and and One’s Inner Child

In response to the possibility of creating a column in which I could contribute on the already burned up piece of lava rock known as relationships, I offer this essay.

Dating and the Inner Child

It is an understatement to assert that one would like to find balance between the adult we invent and the child we remember. The unfortunate reality is that too many of us do not realize that we are constantly inventing our adult projection into the world, usually tied to the goals we carry. It can take shape in pleasing other people for emotional rewards or accumulation of material goods to feel the security of stable finances or taking adventures to explore yourself and the world, etc. The point is that we have an active role in the invention because it constantly needs to be inflated. We participate in it daily, it is only a broken spirit that feels the compulsion of yesterday’s vision as a substitute of todays infinity. This usually takes the form of inertia of externals and internals. The most striking example comes from the animal kingdom where the adult elephant need only be tethered by a weak rope for control after the heavy chain used in adolescence.

The child in us has areas of success, from asking mommy and daddy for things with special tone in a special role to the entertainment from the media such as cartoons, movies and TV. Yet, that special role played for success with mommy and daddy comes at a cost. The lack of invention of the adult who also obtains things from their parents, such as respect and trust. Is that not as important as having the phone paid for or the insurance covered?

This leads into a date I had some years ago. It started out well until she told me that her inner child is 14 and loves to play in the mall without worries. To spend mommy and daddy’s money, while staring at people wander around buying things. And when she daydreams, it is to this role and this age where everything was peachy and life was pleasantly numb.

There I was, sitting across from a woman who is 24 going on 14. That is what that phrase means. You are a certain age but your invention of the adult is going on.. what? I was older than her and I was completely TURNED OFF. There are guys out there who would love to step in and play daddy or 14 year old boyfriend. Not me brother.

It is with significant effort,, catalyzed by intense life experience, that we distance ourselves from the child within us. Obviously, the child-like view of things can not be underappreciated. Yet, the childish roles of lack of responsibility and maturity as a refuge from the storms of life is not one to be shared openly with a date. Who will you meet as an equal? Or worse, maybe find someone who will fulfill the role of enabler of your childish role in the adult forum. What manipulation can occur there? In any event, someone wanting to meet your greatest personal expression, your invention of your adult persona, will go elsewhere. Just as one who stands next to the mighty elephant to see their expression of strength would be let down by staring at it held by a thin rope.

The creation, or lack of one, in our adult expression is a defining characteristic. One completely based on the character, experience and heart of someone. In most cases, people can not help it if they are 4’ 11", bald, flat chested, stocky or do not have a winning smile. Yet we usually hold those shallow characteristics very high, vanity here can be ugly.

What is it that is in our control and how beautiful is that? How enlightened, open and infinite is our mind? Or have we made the time to travel, read or get to know someone who is different than us? That is the vanity that can elevate everything around! The expression of joy that comes with accomplishment by one’s actions. When one shares that, the child like sharing of inner treasures can ignite the torches of connection. This inner light will be rewarded with sharing one’s time with an equal or scare off the children in the bodies of adults.

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