I AM FASHION

I have been saying for ages that fat is the new black or the new gay. But since I am so fierce and ferocious, to quote Christian Siriano, usually I don't get to feel that in my every day life. Most people know that if they offend me or they piss me off, they are without a doubt, at the very least, getting a reading if I am in a good mood, or hairsprayed in the eyes at point blank range if I am PMSing.

I also benefit from what I call the "Halle Berry" clause, because since I am a "smaller" kind of fat and very shapely, and I usually don't catch much shit from random people. Crap, I have a better proportioned body than most thin chicks , and a flatter stomach too. I call that the "Halle Berry" clause because it's the same as when white people who are prejudiced, say that someone like Halle Berry is beautiful, because she is light-skinned and almost looks like a white woman.

But today I got to feel it ,and feel it to the marrow of my bones and I could not say anything about it even when I wanted to SCREAM. I am already pretty mad at her because she forces us to only draw thin figures. And I am PISSED the department only has small sized dress forms for draping.

I was in my sketching class and the teacher was returning and commenting on our homework from last week and on our quizzes. I made a B+. I am proud .

She was getting on people's case for drawing their figures too fleshy and she actually said: "They look like size 18's. That is not fashion".

Guess the fuck what? I AM A SIZE 18. A fit model, perfect size 18. 48-36-48, on the dot. Perfect 38DD.

And my toenail is more fierce and fashionable and striking and hot and exciting and amazing that her skinny, boney, prejudiced ass can ever dream of being. Shit, she is probabaly my same age and looks 20 years older! She is an incredibly talented artist and a good teacher, but all I can think right now is "No she 'idn't". I want to sue her. I want to sue the school . I want to sue the Universe.

18 IS NOT FASHION??????? WHEN THE FUCK DID FASHION BECOME A SIZE AND THAT SIZE IS SMALL?

Well, what I can say openly and proudly is EAT ME. FUCK A WORLD that thinks like that. I am a Size 18 and I AM FASHION.

When she said that, to me it was EXACTLY the same as if she had said that being black is not fashion, or being Asian is not fashion.

I am making it my PERSONNAL MISSION to see that Size 18 is not only fashion but becomes the preferred size in fashion.

I am good at many, many things. One of them is creation of hype. I pimp shit for a living. It's time I pimp my own shit.

Next year when I show my student collection, I am going to create SO MUCH FUCKING HYPE, I am going to have fucking WWD and W and fucking Fashion Files covering the student show just for MY SELF-PROMOTING, ENRAGED ASS. I am going to kick the doors of motherfucking Barney's and Holt Renfrew and Harvey Nichols wide open like motherfucking Britney Spears' legs after 2 Cosmos, and SEE to it that they carry bloody size 18 from then forward and until I expire my last breath.

I am going to beg, cajole, network do anything in my power to have the BEST and FIERCEST professional plus-size models walk the runway for my student show. I am going to design the mother of all collections and one that is going to freaking change the course of history. Because I can. I am going to pull a McQueen/Proenza/Zac Posen and sell-out. AT MESA COLLEGE. Not Parson's, Not Central St. Martins but bloody ghetto-Mesa College. Why? because I CAN.

And I am getting my ass admitted to the Master's Program at Central St. Martins and show at London Fashion Week and be the biggest buzzword in the fashion industry since John freaking Galliano. Why? Because I fucking can. I am motherfucking dyscalculic and was basically math illiterate and I got interviewed by Oxford for Medical School. I got myself from basic arithmetic to calculus in 3 bloody months. Why? Because I can do ANYTHING. I am the person who will tear the world a new asshole and never look back.

Fashion is not in your size. Fashion is in your mind and in your soul.

I am DONE, freaking done letting fucking fatphobic prejudiced assholes who suck the cocks of the weight-loss industry tell me and every other woman in the world what we should look like and that we need to HARM and HATE ourselves in order to be desirable. I am way past done. They are killing people of eating disorders and self-loathing. And that is not a "risk", like the bullshit diabetes and hypertension assorted cuntery. It's a certainty. I pucked my face off for over 10 years because of this bullshit. And now they are doing this CRAP to my daughter and if I let them they are going to do it to my niece and to every woman I care about in the world.

And the buck stops right the fuck here.