I don’t know WHY I keep buying the bloody sodding mag.
I always fall for the "Shape Issue", just because I keep hoping for a miracle. Why do I have this totally gullible and naive nature that believes in the innate goodness of human kind?
On the cover you see it in big freaking bold print: " Perfect Fit: Dressing for every shape from size 0 to 16".
Bloody sodding Anna Wintour BYATCH!!!! So if you are over a size 16, you don’t have a shape. Or even worst you should not exist. I am at the border of transparency and non-existence because I wear something between a 16 and 18 and yes, sometimes a freaking 20 or even 22 because they keep cutting clothes as if female bodies ressembled SpongeBob Square Pants. MY HIPS ARE ROUND. MY THIGHS ARE THICK. I HAVE A WOMAN’S BODY.
I exist, I am and I thrive and I am not going to have some skinny, fatphobic woman in New York tell me what size I should be or what I should look like. Who died and made her God, and moreover, WHY? She did not even graduate HIGH SCHOOL!!! She cannot sew, or sketch or tailor. Having a good eye for style is not enough qualification to become an arbiter of fashion. If that was the case, I should have been running a magazine by the age of 5. I can do all of those things and, unlike Wintour, I actually have a degree in writing and editing. And when a health feature crosses my path, I also happen to understand the science behind it, and know if it is sound or not. How about them petit fours? And yes, I will put those in my mouth. I am TIRED, TIRED of being constantly told what I can and cannot eat and how much I should exercise by people who have not taken organic chemistry or have not become certified exercise instructors. All of which I have ALSO done. Yes, the UNCONSCIONABLY FAT size 18 beaner has done ALL of those things. And yet SHE is the one running Vogue?
In the "Shape Issue" there is at least 4 features on anorexic ideation about loosing weight, weight loss methods, exercise and the possible reasons ( genetic and otherwise) of why your body might "not be getting with the program". What about the most important one? Like Penelope said in the movie : " I LOVE MYSELF JUST THE WAY I AM!!!!!!".
And YES, that one broke the curse!
I don’t want to loose an ounce or modify my body in any way whatsoever. And refusing to make decent clothes to fit my body and ostracizing me further, is not enough deterrent or incentive to force me to accept my societal undesirability and join in the insanity, because I am smarter and stronger. I LEARNED how to make and design clothes and low and behold, I have TALENT for that too. I am like a gay, fat, fashion-conscious, Leonardo- fucking-Da Vinci. I can do EVERYTHING and really well.Thank you very much!
I am not fat because I have been insufficiently informed that being thin is desirable or have not been stigmatized enough. I am not fat because I emotionally eat and I don’t exercise . I have NEVER, NOT ONCE in my life emotionally eaten. My relationship with food is like an anorexic’s. For me food does not signify or bestow comfort. For me food signifies FEAR. THAT IS WHAT HAS BEEN DONE TO ME BY PEOPLE LIKE ANNA WINTOUR. Yesterday, I was at Denny’s for breakfast and at the supermarket, and I realized that I am always choosing food on the basis of FEAR. Fear of being teased and ostracized and rejected. Fear of pain, because I get sick if I eat too much fat. Fear of being unloved. Fear of not fitting into my clothes. I am TERRIFIED of food. And yet I have to eat and it brings me pleasure. Fucked up, eh? And yet, I am STILL FAT. Why? Because I was BORN to be fat. My father was fat and my brother is fat, and the only way I get thinner, and never sufficiently thin to be within the "ideal" ( which is complete bollocks) parameters, is too sustain anorexic behaviour until my body breaks down. And I am not going to do that FOR ANYONE EVER AGAIN. And there are LOTS of people like me. And we are not going anywhere. We are not a pack of insane whales that are going to beach themselves and die of despondency ( or type2 diabetes or heart disease) no matter how much you want us to.
We want and will live and be accepted just the way we are BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. WE ARE HERE, AND WE ARE LOUD AND PROUD. DEAL WITH IT! We are NOT spending our money on personnal trainers, or Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or Meridia or Xenical or Alli or diet books. We would much rather spend that money on Chanel, and Stilla and MAC and Marc Jacobs and Gap but these people are too stupid to realize that. And we certainly are not going to become lab animals and fuck up our glucose-insulin metabolism by taking diabetes drugs to loose weight. Fuck up your health to be thin, what a great concept! We used to call that an eating disorder in my time. That is why I laugh like a mad hyena when I read about people and their weight loss and "fitness" "goals". Because I don’t have any !!!! And that means FREEDOM and the biggest act of rebellion and insurgency a woman can undertake.It blows people’s mind!!! My goals are to run an important fashion magazine and one day be head designer of a fashion line/brand. Both. Those are real goals.
Have the people in the fashion industry also not realized the disadvantages of extreme thinness, like accelerated premature ageing? On the cover of the same issue of Vogue, you can see a living example of that. Giselle Bundchen is on the cover with Lebrun James. She looks about 43. I lie not. Like a bloody dried up vampire. And she is 28...And she is one of the "curvy" models.
Just imagine what Jaquetta Wheeler or Posh Spice are going to look like at 50...Like the bloody tranny brides of Dracula of course, since they will resort to plastic surgery and collagen in the mouth and Botox.Even women like that are deeply dissatisfied with their appearance. That is SAD. And how come someone like Posh gets to be a fashion icon or an anything icon? Her only claim to fame is she was in a cheesy, campy singing group and fucked a football player and managed to be born thin. So how challenging is that?
And I am seriously NOT JEALOUS. I am really not. I don’t wish for a second to be like those people. It just makes me mad that the doors that I have to make Herculean efforts to open are wide open for them, when their entire merit resides in the fact that they are born thin and they fuck the right people.That is not fair.
What I think is that we have to work on changing as a society and start holding things like intelligence and talent and effort and hard work and persistance and resilience as more valuable than thinness or strategic whoring.
It sounds logical but why am I the only one saying anything about it?