Sunday, March 30, 2008

Chemical Romance by AD: Chemistry and relationships

I first would like to introduce the first column by a guest columnist here at Fashion Sanity.
This column is entitled "Chemical Romance" and it will be a weekly dating and relationship column from the perspective of that elusive species, the intelligent, educated, non-entitled, straight male.
My adored friend AD is an accomplished and WICKED cool chemist currently residing in the Arizona desert... And who knows more about chemistry between people than a chemist? :-)
Yes, here at Fashion Sanity, we aim to fill the void left by great mags like Mirabella and Mademoiselle as a fashion rag for the Thinking Woman...
Without further due , here is the first installment of "Chemical Romance" by AD entitled:

Organic chemistry and relationships II

A set of events led me to this topic that ranged from teaching organic chemistry laboratory, dating two people in a row who had boyfriends and reflections from an analogy I made with someone about TARZAN.

Yes, organic chemistry and tarzan! I let my mind run all over the place, sometimes it comes back..

The premise is the two ways a substitution reaction can be performed in organic chemistry and its appropriate model for dating. The two reactions that each student faces in the first third of organic chemistry are the substitution reactions.

The first reaction is called an SN1, let's forget about the electrophilic stuff for now, and is the model for a real SINGLE person. One is dating someone, you become single for a variety of reasons, and you have an 'open site'. Reactive, in the moment, the world is your oyster. You can do what you want, when you want with whom you will spend your precious time. No apologies, no questions. done.

The stability of this state can be modeled as a development of self. If you are shallow, weak, vain.. I think you get where I am going.. you are most modeled as a primary carbo-cation. This state is highly reactive and soiled in opportunism. I mean you do not even see them single. While the person with a higly developed inner self represents the tertiary carbo-cation. Less reactive, a better fit for the situation can be evaluated.

The second reaction scheme is a concerted reaction amongst three things: new guy--woman--orig guy, new woman--man--orig woman, new man--man--orig man and of course new woman--woman--orig woman. It is marked by a transition state where the middle party is 'holding' onto a 'non-optimum' situation with one hand and with the other hand.. fondling or reaching out to another.

This is where Tarzan comes in. Swinging from vine to vine. Never releasing the grip on a vine until another is secure. Never tasting true flight, only the fear of being alone and falling to ground.

In this reaction scheme, the orignial person is a leaving group. If they are a good leaving group, the push from the new person will dislodge them and a new 'bond' will be created. If they are a bad leaving group, like married or co-dependent or rich or.. fill in the blank.., the new person will need to make a substantial effort to remove the lug.

Given this mechanism, the person in the middle is in a weak position, devoid of dignity. If one would like to be single, do it. Waiting for a backside attack to assure that the weakness persists is a terrible price to pay for staying with someone you wished displaced!

Yet, this attitude is rampant. A form of emotional greed.

The travel of the carbocation and the butt-posing-outward , SN2, is not equal. To cooly meet people, shopping if you will, with the old-standby at home is not the same as being open to another person without the reservations of comparison.

If one is unable to create the carbocation, develop the inner self. Allow character to hold you up, not the efforts of a false relationship built on familiarity of dependency and greed for affection. It is then that the effort of life will tax the muscles and make them strong. Strong enough to not reduce to opportunism of the most distasterous sort.

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