London Fashion Week- Ozzie Clark Review

I, like the looser I am, had to actually work the high powered nerdy day job today, instead of attending fabulous Fashion Week events which my sister did for me. ( No, the PR twinkundchick fashionbots did no scare me off. I actually had to earn more than they get paid in a.... really long time)
A couple of the best shows took place today including two of my favourites: Luella and Paul Smith.
It is kind of my fault to not have gotten invites since I should have queried for them a long time ago. But I had no clue ALL shows were by "invitation only".
NO ONE informs you of that.
It was a shame that the Ozzie Clark PR-chicklet was such a harpie because I would have LOVED to see the show now that I have seen the photos. Maybe the tanning machine and the excess of UV rays have fried her sense of human decency.
Avsh Alom Gur who is now designing for Ozzie Clark showed some of the most all around universally wearable garments and something that I had not seen on that scale since St. Laurent and Pucci in the '70's: the Caftan.
I love Caftans, maligned as they have been.
See, I am from the "Studio 54" generation. Not the ones that partied there with Bianca and Andy and Harlston but of the teens who saw that as it was happening.
The ones that drooled at the DVF wrap dresses, and "Le Tuxedo" and yes, Talitha Ghetty's Caftan in Vogue.
Women of all sizes look regal in a caftan and these ones are beautiful, fluid and languorous. They have a little bit of St. Tropez with a dash of Casablanca and Haifa for good measure.
I am going to give up food for a while for one of these....









They are fairly exquisite... The prints somehow remind me of Provencale pottery.
And they would be the perfect thing to wear with a pair of breezy sandals to host a party at home. I think for my housewarming party, I will be wearing an Ozzie Clarke... God I AM the bigger woman!!! In every sense of the word.
As I always say... God gave me a big body because I need it to fit in my giant heart and enormous brain. (Pstt: Ask Bianca what a PDE-5 inhibitor is... or why is it that nosocomial infections such as MRSA emerged...)

London Fashion Week: Ozzie Clark and more

Well everyone, I am at the press tent for London fashion week.

I think the best thing so far has been the protest that was happening outside. A flock of absolutely FABULOUS plus size compatriots were dancing to Mika's " Big Girl You are Beautiful" dressed in very Harajuku Super Kawaii outfits. That and the MAC press lounge which is divine. They do touch ups to your make out and have a glorious gift/swag bag with awesome MAC stuff.

I am wearing a very Goth/Alice in Wonderland inspired getup. My Marc by Marc Jacobs polka-dot pinafore dress and Tarina Tarantino skull jewelry with black leggings and my Kitson Zebra and Patent ballet flats.

My make-up is to die for. Black smokey eye and pale sugar frosted lips.

The girls at the MAC lounge were ADORABLE.

Another business altoghether with the Ozzy Clark catwalk show.

Some PR bizziches acting in manner of " Studio 54" doormen, were deeming who from the press was and was not worthy of getting in, particularly a rude duckfaced woman named Bianca.

I was reminded of those days back in the mid-80's when we used to stand outside of Mexico City's most popular club called " Magic Circus" begging some a-hole that under ordinary circumstances would have been our driver or gardener to let us in ..we would go " Juan-Jo, Juan-Jo" begging for his attention and he acting like he was motherfucking St. Peter, waiting to open the gates of Heaven.

It's a FASHION SHOW people!!! If we are press, you SHOULD be grateful.

We are there to review your clothes and are making people think in a positive or negative way about your product.

Turns out most of the catwalk shows are by invitation only.

Otherwise you need to deal with the Juan-Jo little witches.

I think my fashion website is probably the only objective source of fashion information since I am not sponsored by ANYONE.

Thus, my opinion and that of the people that contribute for my site is completely unbiased.

We are like the PLOS or Mother Jones of fashion.

When I look at and review a designer's clothes, I do so on their merit alone.

And you'd think people would value that....

Well, I did not get into Ozzie Clark.

I think I am trying to get into PPQ.

What I do know, is that I am not standing for an hour outside a tent begging some bitch on a power trip to let me in only to be sent away after an hour of waiting.

Shit, now my feet are swollen. If I get DVT, I am billing Ozzie Clark's PR company for the medical treatment....

Stay tuned to see if I actually get into any of the catwalk shows...or I have to watch them all from the press exhibition tent...

Boys and Ghouls...We are Big Time!-London Fashion Week

Well people... we are in as legitimate press at London Fashion Week.
I accredited without a problem.
I am covering some of the catwalk shows today.
I am wearing my Marc by Marc Jacobs black polka dot pinafore dress, black leggings, a vintage velvet blazer, and Tarina Tarantino jewelry.
There is a BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT protest going on outside with a flock of GORGEOUS plus size beauties dancing to Mika's " Big Girl You Are Beautiful" and REPRESENTING..
As I walked in, I gave the the rock on sign and told them " I am here for you sisters".
Stay tuned for all London Fashion Week coverage...This is amazing!
Love,
MillaX, Editor-in-chief and UK correspondent, Fashion Sanity ( Anna who, you said?)

Blogging Project Runway: 13 Ghosts

Geezus the baby Christ, this week was bad... wicked bad.
The designers were tasked with designing an Avant Garde look based on Zodiac signs.
Really, actually kind of cool.
Yet NOT ONE could come up with something that could be considered remotely Avant-Garde by any stretch of the word.
Not even 3/4's as good as the stuff that my classmates at ghetto-Mesa College used to show at the little cute ghetto-fashion show/ provincial dance recital they had at the Airport Ramada or something. Not that they did not fancy themselves at the tents at Bryant Park, mind me. My rule of thumb is the following: if your fashion show is proudly organized and advertised as a "G-rated and family-oriented" event, that is a fashion show that is not the right venue for me. Just the fact that the show is thought with people's grandparents and kindergartners in mind makes me want to show my collection on 7 feet tall drag queens with mohawks and put cod pieces on every single one of them. While playing "God Save The Queen" by the Pistols and with Andres Serrano's "Piss Christ" as my runway background. Shit... that actually sounds brilliant...
MANY, MANY of my classmates were ( are) statistically significantly more talented than a good 96% of the PR designers both as technical/construction people, and more rarely as designers ( a lot of them were very commercial and Forever 21-ish, some tacky-ass bitches and some devoid of originality, but there were a couple of three REALLY talented peeps).
Crap, of all that was shown this week maybe 2 were wearable and 1 was derivative in a sad way.
But let's start the carnage...
Jerrell's:
This was the winning look and that just about tells you everything.
The skirt is a'wigth and interesting in a McQueenish sort of way. The rest of it looks like a mother of the bride in a favella in Rio.

Keebler Elf on Meth ( aka as Blayne)
How can I word this?.... oh, oh, I know..." Textile neoplastic disorder (TND) is characterized by abherrant growths of bridal fabrics thoughout the body, and is considered pernicious, fatal and incurable. Its precise etiology is thus far unknown, but it is thought to be caused by uncontrolled lack of the good taste isoenzyme in the frontal cortex of the brain and by dysregulated egos in vectors known as designers. Presently, the only means of existing treatment are surgical (excision with a pair of Ghinger's and a seam ripper, anesthesia optional), and provide patients with a modest hope for improvement in quality of life (QOL). Active research is necessary to further investigate if the immediate administration of atypical anti-psychotics to designers during full manic/schizoid episodes, would indeed prevent the increased incidence of this disabling and disfiguring condition." The End :-)

Terri's:

I am disappointed. Very disappointed.
This looks like a room at my grandmother Medina's house. Comforting for me. But for a couture dress? Bad, very bad. She has a thing for clowns and circuses...

Joe's:
And this would be another bedroom at my nana's.... I did not know PR had morphed into an INTERIOR design show. EVERYTHING looked like upholstery. Which brings me to....

Kenley's:
Holy fuck, what was that??? This is like fashion version of "The Island of Dr. Moreau". Kenley obviously possessed by a mad couture obsessed scientist, decided, with disregard to ethics and human decency, to create a chimera of past dresses by Dolce & Gabanna, Jean-Paul Gaultier and Viktor& Rolf. The results, here for your examination, are as you can observe, appaling and nausea-inducing.

Korto's
Not Avant-Garde. But being that is is somewhat wearable, met the challenge brief and as at least marginally aesthetically pleasing, to me it was the winner by default.

Leanne

This one met the challenge brief and was innovative but seriously who the hell would wear that? Not even Tilda Swinton...

Which brings us to Suede's:
Well, yes Major Nelson... your wish is my command...
This cheezy "I Dream of Jeanie" costume is as couture and as Avant-Garde as my ass is tiny and inconspicuous.

Single-handedly the WORST episode as far the the clothes go in a fever-pitched tie with the "Real Women" challenge.
This was more sallient because the memory of Chris March's and Christian Siriano's Avant-Garde dress which was one of PR's 5 best ever is still fresh in our minds.
Intead of signs of the zodiac, these were the signs of the Black Zodiac thus the allusion to one of my favourite horror b-movies "13 Ghosts" one of the most sublime cheesefests ever.

Blogging Project Runway: Digest Version

Well, I have not done my usual Project Runway commentaries because I am now in London, the episodes are not as readily available and because frankly this season, a couple of the designers are a'wight but none have ignited my furor.
I stand by my initial prediction for final 4:
Joe
Korto
Terri
Suede
Maybe Leann sneaks in there.
The Olympic uniform challenge was kind of boring and blah to me.
I always end up comparing with the lines that this rocking Canadian company Roots, puts out for the Canadian Olympic team. They ALWAYS have the hottest and best selling Olympics-related garments.
..
I ( and Prince Wills) have worn their gorgeous hockey newsboy hat.
Compared with the freshness of what Roots puts out, what the PR people put out for the challenge was kind of well, Valerie Stevens or Sag Harbour.

But as usual, Korto's was the best..

Then the obligatory product placement challenge ensued and they had to make something from car bits...
Actually. Korto's coat was a beauty...

The winning look was kind of dromedary on the hips. I did not see Mugler or Galliano at all.

They BOTCHED the drag queen challenge. BOTCHED it.
On that challenge you could do anything. The sky was the limit and NOT ONE OUNCE OF BRILLIANCY...
The utter mediocrity PISSED ME OFF!
The Brooke Shields "Lipstick Jungle" challenge? Shit does anyone watch that show? I really could not care less.
And then there was the DVF challenge. Those cunts...
Sorry but they FUCKED UP!!
This was the chance for a PR designer to go legit. To actually impress this woman and get a good job as a head designer with a MAJOR design label. I am sorry but I would eat one of my relatives in a Oaxacan tamale for a chance like that.
AND NONE of these designers was able to effectively channel the DVF gestalt without resorting to something that looked like a page in the costume section of the McCall's Patterns Catalog. Leanne's was a nice dress... But it was NOT DVF. It was a 1930's high end costume or an Oscar gown. But not cohesive with DVF's line.

The closest to real DVF was again Korto.

This is a picture of me in a REAL vintage DVF so you can see the similarities in cut, print, silhouette and drape.

Working with prints is one of my design fortes. And I would be in sheer heaven in the DVF fabric archive. I was lucky enough to get my hands on DVF yardage and I have not touched it yet.
But these guys really missed their chance.
I always ask myself why has there not been the equivalent of a Kelly Clarkson or a Carrie Underwood coming out of Project Runway?
And I always have to contemplate the possibility that the Project Runway franchise cares more about the ratings and making appealing reality TV than about finding solid and enduring talent.

Plus Size Life: UK vs US and Darwin ATTACKS!

After a few weeks living here, I can say that both countries have their pluses and their minuses when it comes to living in them as a plus size person.
I cannot speak for ALL plus size ladies, mostly because I have a very specific taste ( edgy couture) and I am on of those bridgy plus chicks where I can still buy stuff at chez the "God's Choosen" straight sized stores even though they look at me, to quote some people in size acceptance, as if my diet consisted of baby-flavoured doughnuts everytime I walk in one of their upscale hallowed stores.
I think that if my taste leaned more towards the totally alternative or the very conservative, I might have an easier time finding clothes, but the fact that I am contantly looking for size 18 Marc by Marc Jacobs or size 16 McQ or a size XL (and not an idiotic size 10 as XL as per Juicy Couture, but a REAL XL like an 16-18) House of Holland t-shirt makes me at best a dreamer and mostly determined to fill a niche that NO ONE has bothered to address: High End designer contemporary apparel over a size 8. I know that one day I am going to be rich. How come no one but me has given a thought to a "Miss 80" ( Instead of "Miss Sixty')?
Or to Plus DVF? Or yes, even plus size Juicy?
I HAVE CALLED and written all of these companies asking them to do plus lines but they act like I am asking them to have sex with household pets. Yes, I have written AND called Diane Von Furstenberg and Marc Jacobs AND Pam and Gella at Juicy and they will make clothes for you if you get knocked up. But if you are fat? Burn bitch and burn in a muumuu.... ARGHHHHHH
So if they don't do it, I will. I will be more than happy to sell my clothes full price and not see thousands of XS garments languish month after month on clearance racks until they end up on the backs of small children in El Salvador and Erithrea.
Which I guess is who they were designed for in the first place.
The buyers at upscale stores make me laugh. They really do. It's like they live in a perpetual state of denial when they they see the XLs and L's sell for full price. The M's go at first markdown and those XS stay there through clearance and past TJ MAXX AND the Goodwill store, until they have to be shipped back to where they came from in a sad cycle of waste.
But they keep stocking 1 XL, 2 L's, 6 M's , 10 Ss and 20 XSs just because they think that because they wish it, we will all shrink on demand.No, not EVERYTHING in Anna Wintour's diabolical agenda moves forward without a hitch...
Most buyers must be fundamentalist Christians, I think. They refuse to accept evolution and that as a species, we are growing bigger and taller with each passing generation. Ok... my grandma: 5'2. My mom: 5'5. Me: 5'8. My daughter: 5'10 and STILL growing? Get the picture? It's NOT an "Obesity Epidemic"... It's fucking evolution. Like MRSA but WAY cuter.
The sad part is the science people are not any better. They know about evolution and yet refuse that it's happening IN HUMANS in front of their eyes. They only acknowledge it when it comes to microorganisms.
They think that we should weight the same as peeps did in the 40's. Since we are taller and stronger and bigger than people were in the 40's and we no longer die of smallpox or polio or work all day in small rural farms, they deem us all not genetically fit and better fed, but "obese". Fuck them and the pocket protector they are wearing. Shit, that would be more sex than most of them get in a year..
And no, most of us who break the BMI commandments do not eat out every meal at a place that serves super sized fries and sit on our ever expanding asses all day.
We just are bigger and taller than average. I walk about 5 miles on a bad day. And I eat like 1500-2000 calories. Usually the same as my skinny compatriots. Sometimes a lot less. Yet they stay skinny and I stay fat. Something in the equation does not compute...
But back to the fashion...
So far I am noticing that a lot less is available as far as specially dedicated plus-size retail outlets.
I have only seen the plus departments at Harrod's ( big but VERY conservative) and Debenham's at Oxford St. ( minuscule and cheesy) and that intriguing little store in Kew.
But other than that zilch. I am being told about this store called Evans. But I have yet to see one anywhere.
In the States I see a Lane Bryant at every mall, and a Torrid every other mall.
In some there's both.
A lot of the brands go up to a size 20 or 22 UK which is like a 16 or 18 and that is what I buy here. Some good ones are Monsoon, the Star line by Julien McDonald at Debenham's
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and Pink by Thomas Pink.

One thing I direly miss is a place where I can find plus size, affordable hosiery.
My favourite in the US is Assets by Sarah Blakely ( the chick from Spanx) that I get at Target. It's not super cheap ( around 10 bucks a pair) but it wears well and it fits great.
Here big hose is borderderline impossible to find. The only available thing is the expensive Spanx and some ( very few) models of Wolford. And if you are anything over a size 18 I would not attempt ot because that is how far they stretch,
They deperately need a Target here. And the Right Fit Jeans by LB. I am so freaking happy that I got 2 pairs before I left the US and I snagged some of the new Trouser jeans.
I am going to continue to explore what is available here. I mean I KNOW there is Anna Scholtz and everything but I am looking for more other options and things that are unexpected.
I keep trawlling the charity shops too in search of the unexpected find.
Saturday I was looking for a cover up for the ballet because it is COLD and I had to leave my winter coats behind ( the bloody 30k luggage restrictions and all)... I got a great men's tux jacket for a few pounds and an adorable tiny evening bag because NOTHING looks less graceful than a giant diaper bag-like handbag on an evening out. I do NOT comprehend the giant handbag thing...
I had to limit my handbag allowance to 1 bag for the plane.... I almost died.
But so far I have not unearthed miracles like I used to in Montreal.
If anyone has any suggestions of plus- size retail outlets or designers I should cover please let me know.
I really want to support any stores or designers catering to plus sizes.

Blogging PR: Not For Little Pussies Who Scream

So I am a bit late posting my Project Runway blog this week because I am exhausted.
I moved out of San Diego place yesterday.
Wednesday me and my Celebrity Personal Assistant went to watch the show at a cozy little gay bar in San Diego called The Loft (2150 5th Ave, Hillcrest) and the scene pretty much was the gayest thing you have ever seen.
We were watching Project Runway in a gay bar with same level of attention, devotion and play-by-play commentary usually dedicated to the Super Bowl at sports bars.
The audio was via close caption while on the background the likes of Olivia, Shania, Queen Madge, Abba and Cher played on the juke box....
Great show and great challenge this week.
Create an evening cocktail look inspired by New York City at night...
The possibilities were amazing
and this is how our current crop of sartorial artistes responded to the challenge...
Blayne:
This dress was so New York....during Pride Week...
Blayne's homage to the Rainbow flag was not the most interesting nor sophisticated offering of the show. To me, the only difference between this and the eliminated look , were the sleeves. But if you act like a Keebler elf friend of Tina,you are pretty much guaranteed to stay around until the semi finals just because of the sheer entertainment value and because you make for good reality TV...



Daniel:
Onyx Nites Prom Collection 2008. When are young designers going to learn that lame is only to be approached when you are a Zen Master of Couture?
Memo to non-exceptional designers: Unless your name is Norman Norell, Valentino, William Travilla or Giles Deacon STEP AWAY FROM THE LAME!!!!
This is how lame should be done

And this is what Daniel gave us...





Emily:
Ok... this loosing proposition of a dress made me think of two things, loose labia and an overtuffed mortadella sandwich... neither are pretty. Enough said..




Jennifer:
Ok...now I am convinced that The Duchess, Nina and Heidi are possesed by either the Bratz Dolls or Vegas hookers... Anything that does not look like a slutty 14 year old's idea of "sexy" is deemed "matronly". Matronly is what you find in 99% of the plus size retail outlets in the world. Jennifer's dress had some construction issues for sure. But it was LOVELY!!!! I actually have a Stella McCartney dress that looks almost exactly like it. If the had been shown in Vogue on Natalia Vodianova with the label Prada on it, these bitches would have been all over it.



Jerrell:
This dress and this styling ARE 2 years ago Galliano verbatim. BUT it was a feat of skill to turn a dress this elaborate and well made in a day.Two snaps up for Jerrell and his mad construction skillz....




Joe
I actually loved this dress. It was actually oneof the truest to the initial inspiration in the photo.




Keith:
One word: "Derelicte!" ("a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique.")... So, actually and in an indirect way, he was right on target...




Kelli:
This dress was gimmicky, but really kind of cool. What I really liked was the hair and make up.





Kenley:
Yet again I disagree with the judges...this dress looked like an pinata that was too sizes too small. Loving Kenley... the dress? Not so much...



Korto:
I actually love this look I have had it in my closet in many variations. It is definitely not innovative. But it is elegant, well made, flattering, sellable and infinitely wearable.




Leanne:
This was gorgeous!! Perfectly made, inspired, tasteful and restrained... The construction was flawless.What a difference a week makes.
[dress]



Stella:
Leatha!!!!! Really girl... the LA rocker chick look this literal, is tired even in LA...
Evolve, grow, or stick to Melrose and the Hell's Angels....You are 43....time to try new things...



Suede:
One phrase echoed across the gay bar "That looks like Beyonce and Baby Phat"...I tend to concurr. Suede did not rock it this week.
[dress]


Terri:
The Sandra Bernhard was ooing and aahing about this look. I liked that she did pants. I like the general idea. I hated the print and the proportions....


This week kind of proved something to me. That despite the hype of"better and better"designers the claim sort of does not hold true. Sights of NYC as an inspiration had been previously done with beautiful and memorable results...Remember Jay's "Chrysler Building" dress? Or Andrae Gonzalo's "Dirty Water"dress?
This challenge has actually yielded two of the most memorable PR creations of all times.
Yet this time the designers failed to deliver an equally memorable and awe inducing result. Go figure....